The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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