our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
