Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
