Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
