return my video game
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
