If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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