Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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