I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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