Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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