I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
