I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
