When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
