It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
