JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
