We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
