I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
