I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
