you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
