Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
