Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
