Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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