You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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