he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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