I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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