Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
