dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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