Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
sex in a hospital.. check
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am available for nakedness
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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