I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
