just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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