So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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