There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
