I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
