its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
