TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
