Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
