I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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