What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
