I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
