Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
