I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
