4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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