I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
