just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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