You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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