she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just gargled with NyQuil
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
