How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
