I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
