Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't deserve a penis
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
