No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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