I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
